


1588 Crazy Nights

by RunMarmiteRun



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Holidays, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunMarmiteRun/pseuds/RunMarmiteRun
Summary: Many thanks to The Cagg, Lulantis, oc_stylechic, charge.buck, and others for lighting a fire to get this project going.  (Pun intended.)  This year needed a community project for Abel runners and here is my contribution.
Kudos: 3





	1. Shamash 5

Jody bustled through the comms shack trying to hang the last stocking precariously from the corner of the closet door. She'd hand knitted several over the last several months. Some were even adorned with numbers. The stocking for 36 had a number although the stocking did look a bit like camouflage given it was made of four or five different shades of green. "Think she'll like it, Sam?" Jody waved a gold and red striped one in the air.

"Who's that one for? Sam asked. "It looks a bit like you're waving a Gryffindor scarf about. 5, if you could see this...it's all red and gold stripes. Maybe your next supply run you can find some more wool for Jody so she can fix herself up a Hufflepuff kit? Because that's what I'm sure the sorting hat is putting you in, i really don't believe you telling everyone you're a Ravenclaw all the time." 

Jody giggled. "This one's for Janine, of course. She likes things to be neat and tidy, I thought stripes suited her. The colours seemed festive...and it was the only wool I had left. I think I have one for everyone. Let's see - there's for you, Ed, Molly - 5, 7, Sara, Jack, Eugene, 14, 36..." Jody cheerfully kept checking and inventorying what was beginning to look like a washing up line for freed house elves.

"Baruch atah adonai"...then the static crackled and the radio transmission died.

"Hey 5, did you hear that?" Sam looked up from trying to unobtrusively stuff a curly wurly into a stocking Jody had made with the number 5 knitted into it. Holiday preparations at Abel were underway and they were a genuine mishmosh of all things. The comms shack was the epicentre of holiday cheer of all kinds; in addition to the usual masses of odds, ends, and sticky bits of marmite, random runners had brought holly, mistletoe, bits of cedar and juniper (Sam was constantly sneezing) and all manner of ribbon including some kind of bizarre decoration from a car park.

"I'm going to head over here to the control board...hmm, perhaps if I fiddle this knob here and then...there's got to be some way to get that transmission back in." Just then, the door burst open.

"God bless us every one!" Jack and Eugene were carrying a stack of random records. "You just had to get the Tiny Tim reference in, didn't you?" "Well, I couldn't resist it." "You know, we've still got a good week to go, are we going to have to go through every holiday classic?" "It can't hurt. I've got all the jokes saved from the crackers as well." "You know you've got more cheese to go with those crackers, we have nearly enough to have our own charcuterie board at this point." "Ha ha. How goes it, Sam, and strong silent 5? Sam, please tell me the bass and treble haven't gotten mucked about with again."

"No, got a strange transmission a few minutes ago. Trying to sort out what it might be. Oh, here it is..." Sam fiddled again and crackles came through "Baruch atah adonai Eloheinu Melech..." then more crackling..."ha-heim ba-z'man ha-zeh." There was a pause. "I don't know if anyone can hear me - I'm here at Beacon Hill, I'm lighting this for all to see...hoping anyone else can see me...it's the first night so here we are...never thought i might be the only one left to do this but here we go...Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha-olam sheheheyanu v'kiyimanu v'higiyanu laz'man hazeh. If ever we needed light, it is now, so here I am. If you can see this light, I am here at Beacon Hill at the old bonfire site. I'm the only one left from my family, I don't know if anyone else can hear me but I only have a little food and fuel left. I have this portable radio so not sure how long it will last but we have seven more nights of Chanukah so, I guess I will light this fire and hope someone sees it. I am Danny, I guess I will be the Shamash for all of England this year."

"Hello comms shack! I, 36, come bearing gifts!" 

Surprised, Sam looked up. "36 - do you always wear your sword - why are you backing in - oh my, what is that? It looks like you've got half a forest in your arms!"

"Just a bit of holiday greenery for the solstice season." Sam sneezed in answer. "Oh come on, Sam, it's just holly, oak, and ivy. I'm going to twine it all up and around, it will make everything look fabulous and ready for some festivities. Everything synchronizes this year, we can even burn a yule log and maybe some of the cider can be broken out for some festive toasting?"

Jack laughed, "Yeah, I think it will turn into Festivus toasting if Janine sees this. I can do some feats of strength." Eugene rolled his eyes and kept flipping through the stack of albums. "Oh look - here's a classic - 'Percy the Puny Poinsettia...' that could inspire some feats of strength, right?"

"Well, there's still something I need to go fetch. 5, will you fetch your backpack? I need you to come with me, it's going to be quite a bit of a run but we need to go out to Farmer Roy and get something. Going to have to drop off a few things on the way according to Janine. It may be the holidays but a runner's work is never done. I told her I wanted you with me because I think together you and I can get this done the quickest. I know Roy's farmstead is quite a way out but we've both been before so we know the way. There's your answer to why I've got my sword with me, Sam." 36 unceremoniously dumped the armful of greenery on top of Sam's control board.

"Watch out - aaaaahhh....cchoooo!!!!" Sam ended up with bits of ivy draped in his hair.


	2. Cheese Stands Alone

"Come along 5, this is the path. We're to drop off whatever these random packages of trade goods are, by Odin's Eye I'm fair certain mine is actually a couple of pints of cider, I swear Janine's been trading it off whenever possible, and Farmer Roy is meant to have some cheese for us. You remember the farmstead with all the sheep, been there since the 1540s or whatever? Anyway, that's where we're headed." 36 adjusted the pack and in her uniquely unceremonious but effective way lobbed an ungainly looking packet wrapped in gaudy red and green striped paper at 5.

"Yes, I know it's wrapped in Christmas paper. I have no idea. Everyone's getting into it. I don't see the harm. We're getting everything together now. Some people have 'traditions' that I have no idea where they came from - I'm pretty sure the hiding the tin of sardines round the mess hall is something new since zed day - but other things are really old, I mean I don't have to try hard because half the Yule celebration stuff got brought into Christmas anyway, and since it saves on heat I'm sure we'll be burning a massive log somehow anyway. What do you think that transmission was?"

Just at that moment Sam broke in on the comms. "36, you're supposed to tell me before you actually leave on a run, first of all, secondly, it's taken me this long to clear off all this greenery from the control panel to be able to talk to you and 5. You are the world's worst about that. Did you even tell 7 you were going?"

"Yeah, told him on the way to see you in the mess. He was busy helping hide the sardine tin."

"Hiding the sardine tin? What are you talking about?"

"Well, if it goes on how it was, you'll probably find out eventually. Anyway, we're going to Farmer Roy's holding, that's going to be a good ways out, we didn't need to dilly dally."

"Is dilly dally even a thing people say?"

"I say it. I also say things like 'Ewhaz Tyr' and that doesn't bother you."

"Well, that sounds superhero-ish. Superhero-y? Dilly dally sounds like something from Mary Poppins. Or like someone's caricatured grandmother."

"Are you starting the Festivus pole early, Sam? Airing the grievances about me? Or are you just upset 5 isn't there to help you decorate now?"

"Oh, bother."

"Now, that sounds like Winnie the Pooh, Sam."

"Nevermind that, it's what I'm seeing here. Looks like there's a group of zoms heading in toward you. You'd best head a little more northeast, and quickly. There's probably only about 8 of them but I think they're fast zoms."

"Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah. This is Danny again, I'm lighting the signal fire here. I do see another signal fire going on the hill across from me - I think there must be someone there. If anyone can hear me, I don't know how much longer I can last. There are swarms of zoms, I'm by myself here and I can't figure out any way..."

"There was that signal again, 36 - did you hear it?"

"Yes Sam, it sounds like the same fellow. We're headed that direction anyway, we could keep heading that way after dropping these supplies at Farmer Roy's."

"I don't know...it seems a bit dodgy..."

"Come on now, it's yule - and I am pretty sure it's Hanukkah, that's the Hannukah blessing he's been reciting if I'm not mistaken."

"What now?"

"Yeah, I had a roommate in uni. Made fantastic latkes and I'm always up for doughnuts, apparently you fry any food in oil because of the whole temple miracle thing. Huh, a bit odd it's the second night of Hanukkah and now there's two signal fires going."

"Well, those signal fires will be drawing zoms. You and 5 had best head out."


	3. Let's All Dance the Hora

"Ehwaz Tyr, fast zoms? Well then we'd best get moving. Come on, 5." 36 took off at a loping pace headed down a semi-beaten trail.

"That's it, runners - I think you can make it to the farmstead despite that detour you had to take and I know Farmer Roy is good at keeping zoms clear, he was always handy with the fencing because of the chickens and last time he talked to me he said that he'd managed to salvage his Lordship's birding guns, so just keep heading the way you're heading. I know it's a very rural area but keep going."

"We hear you, Sam. No chance of those zoms catching us, we're nimbler than one of those naughty elf on a shelf things."

"A naughty elf on a shelf? What on earth are you talking about? Do you really have a concept of what those are meant to be doing?"

"All the videos I watched online before zed day they seemed a bit risque creepy to me, I mean, this little cherub cheeked thing but getting into all sort of twisted situations like doing hot yoga with fashion dolls or taking baths in marshmallows, and seemingly instantaneously - I think they must have a bit of a naughty streak if not being just downright possessed."

"5, can you talk some sense into her? Those things were meant to help children behave, encourage some whimsy...oh, keep on, those zoms are still after you...but you know they're not that creepy - I mean, no creepier than the idea there's some fat man in a red hood with some kind of network watching your every move - ok, you're nearly to the next camera - don't drop out of range, i need eyes on you - and then telling you whether your moves are acceptable - why are you laughing?"

"Do you see me when I'm sleeping, Sam-ta?"

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"I mean, when we all got trapped in by that tremendous horde and you didn't have much to do but that lair of the whatsit you didn't gain so much that I'd call you fat, don't body shame yourself there, and I would call your hoodie more orange than red, but you do watch our every move quite a bit..."

"Are you calling me Father Christmas? Fine, I'll be putting coal and switches in your stocking if you let 5 get caught by those zoms. Move it!"

"Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah. This is Danny again, I'm going to keep the signal fire here at Beacon Hill. The one at Woodbury is going again tonight, and I do see another signal fire going on the hill across from me - I think there must be someone there too. We are here, we are here..." "That's it Sam, we're heading that way. Farmer Roy will just have to wait on this bottle of cider, it sounds like Danny needs help. Those fires are going to keep drawing zoms." "Well, I know, but what are you going to do?" "I've got my sword and a jug of cider. We'll figure something out, right 5?"


	4. Latkes of Love

"Right then 36, 5, you need to hit it hard if you're going to make it all the way to Beacon Hill."

"Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam..." 

"There's Danny! He's still there - the signal's getting fuzzy though."

"Yeah, a bit worrisome."

"...v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah..."

"Hey, what's this?"

"Your headcam isn't working, 36, you can't just say 'what's this?' like Jack Skellington and expect me to know what it is you're looking at."

"I think I just found a random packet of toilet tissue. No, seriously, it was stashed up in this tree. Not like spread over the tree, it's still wrapped in the plastic stuffed in a shopping bag. I think someone was trying to keep it safe from zoms. No 5, it's a bit high for you - watch my back, I'm going to poke it down with my sword. Yes, of course we need this! Aren't you tired of all the random makeshift things? This will definitely make the holidays bright!"

"You're putting me on. There is NO WAY you found toilet tissue. That's like saying you've randomly found a sports bra lying about."

"Well I did randomly find a sports bra lying on that bush, happens more often than you'd think. And I've almost got it...there! Odin's eye! It's two-ply! This is worth guarding!"

"Are you serious? Two ply? Not just toilet tissue but two ply? Janine! Janine!"

"Shh! Don't tell her! This is going to be the surprise to top surprises when she walks in! I don't want this going in the ration bin! This needs to be with the fruitcake front and center!"

"...this is Danny, I say again, this is Danny - if anyone can hear me, we have signal fires lit at Beacon Hill, West Down, and Woodbury - I think I may be the only one with a radio that can transmit, but the fires are lighting - we're here. Please, if anyone can send help - we need to draw off the horde that's milling between us..."


	5. I Got You A Harmonica

"Run, 5, Odin's Eye, that one was close! We're nearly to the hill! If we can light that pile of brush it's dead on across from Beacon Hill, that Danny fellow will definitely be able to see us at least. I can see his fire and the others from here. You do have that lighter you found still, right? Otherwise I'm back to trying my Paleolithic reenactment skills out."

"36, 5, are you alright? Jack and Eugene keep playing Feliz Navidad over and over and are having some kind of argument over whether it's cultural appropriation or irony, I have no idea what they're on about but I haven't heard that Danny with his Baruch Adonai blessing thing this evening yet."

"Don't worry Sam, 5 is right here with me and we can see it. We couldn't go straight to Beacon Hill but we're making for Pinhoe, nearly there and there's a pile of brush or something we're going to light it up ourselves so he can see us, he's got his bonfire lit up tonight too."

"Sam, what on earth is all this? Why does the comms shack look like a greenhouse run amok and why have I been hearing 'Feliz Navidad' blaring on repeat for the last half hour - why am I stepping over tiny bits of, what is this? Have you been cutting paper snowflakes out of old register receipt paper? What on earth?"

"Um, well, hello Janine, it's just a bit of holiday decoration for the comms shack, Jody and Ed and some of the others contributed a few things and..."

"What is that, exactly?"

"What that e

"Hallo then Janine! It's our favorite leadership figure! So what do you think - is Feliz Navidad ironic or cultural appropriation? Eugene thinks it was just a slight bit of cultural appropriation but in the opposite of usual, bringing rock and roll elements in, whereas I find it a classic ironic statement - what, why are you staring out the window and doing that thing with your mouth and that look where it means you're about to get really, really, that sort of tight lipped speaking voice going on?"

"The antennae is decorated."

"Well, yeah, so everyone sort of thought it would be fun to decorate and..." Sam was sounding quite flustered. Eugene cut in smoothly. "I know, I love Festivus - Festivus for the rest of us! Makes a perfect Festivus pole, don't you think? And I'm ready to start the airing of grievances any time now that you're here."

"Airing of grievances? I've got quite a few grievances to air, starting with the state of this comms shack - also, two of my runners are unaccounted for..."

"Ewhaz Tyr, Janine - I'm not unaccounted for - 5 and I are out on a run, Sam would be able to tell you that if you'd stop panicking about a bit of Yuletide cheer for a minute. Loosen up and drink some cider. We're just out trying to rescue some fellow who's apparently got himself trapped on a hill lighting a giant bonfire but if it keeps going the way we're having to go to get to him we'll end up lighting a giant menorah before all is said and done, there's a swarm going between the hills. Don't worry, I have my sword with me."

"This. Is. Not. How. Things. Work."

"Sam, Sam, look what we found - this is perfect for Janine! She needs something a bit less you know, military - a hobby!" Jody burst excitedly through the door waving something small and silver above her head. "I know she's not into knitting and i couldn't find a fishing pole but look, I found a harmonica! Maybe she can take up music, we can put this in her stocking and...oh, hello Janine, fancy meeting you here..."


End file.
